How many lessons?

I realized this journey to Breaking Free will contain 50 lessons on my own and 10 DVD sessions.

Uhhh…………

Is it too late to turn back now? I’m not the best student and 50 lessons? Really?

After a truly incredible first DVD session I was SO excited to start my first lesson.

Paper, pens, pencils, Bible, kleenex…I was ready to go!

And then I had a huge let down.

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Completely my fault.

In my head each lesson was going to rip open my soul and heal some hurt that I had hidden inside my heart.

It doesn’t quite work that way and I let myself be disappointed that on Day 1 I wasn’t being miraculously healed from all that plagues me. But instead was learning about history…and issues I don’t struggle with.

Now, why I felt that God had completely written this Bible Study ONLY for me…I have no clue. But it’s become clear that maybe there are other people in the world besides me that God wanted to heal through the pages of the study. And just maybe, in the future I’ll recall the words I’m reading and be able to better battle the enemy.

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With a better attitude now I have jumped into the study.

I’m only on Day 4 but I can’t wait each day to start and learn.

I’m not a history buff but I’m finding it fascinating to learn about these Kings who ruled and how…well…dumb they could be. Generations not learning from the mistakes or the triumphs of those before them. I want to go back in history and shake these men. How can they NOT SEE what they are doing? How can they NOT HAVE LEARNED?!

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That’s about the point I see my reflection.

And I remember my own past.

I remember the generations before me.

And I realize I haven’t quite learned either.

How many times has God wanted to come down and shake me?

My friends want to beat me with sticks as I continue to make the same mistakes over and over, and willingly.

Oh how God must just shake His head as He watches me.

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I’m learning so much about myself already.

And I’m not liking at all what I’m finding.

I asked God once to show me everything inside me He didn’t like.

Then I ran the other way so I couldn’t hear Him.

Not this time.

This time we’re doing it together.

Cleaning the junk out of the closets.

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First little bit of junk I’ve had to toss.

The value I put in friends and others.

And the lack of value I put in my relationship with God.

“Over and over God has to remove our friends in order to bring Himself in their place, and that is where we faint and fail and get discouraged. How do we respond?  Do we give up everything? Do we become ill? Do we become disheartened? Or do we see the Lord?”

“At no time is our vision more capable of seeing God in His rightful place then when the focus of our former attentions has been removed from our sight.”

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Oops.

Huge oops!

My focus has so clearly been on people and relationships that I’ve forgotten the most important relationship I’ll ever have.

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

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Breaking Free Victory #1:
Taking ‘people’ off the throne and allowing God to sit there once again.